Even before it was born, our story seemed stained with grayness.
\nWhen I first met you you were at a stream collecting twigs,
\nTo make a montage to adorn our church portal,
\nBut you turned away from me as if there was not much to see.<\/p>\n
How I have pined to see you in the last several months:
\nTo hear the crackle of your voice, to see the cut of your smile;
\nI miss the luster of your hair, the sparkle of your laughter;
\nI miss the contour of your silhouette, the rhythm of your walk.<\/p>\n
When you smiled the pores of my body opened up,
\nWhen you talked your cadences melted into a sweet sensual whisper,
\nWhen you wrote letters your emotion outran the logic,
\nWhen you sang your opulent, spacious voice seemed could carry the music of the universe.<\/p>\n
When I met you recently you were in a pensive state,
\nDisillusioned with the world, indifferent to life,
\nYour best hopes for the humanity seemed to have been wilted,
\nAnd you were straining to look beyond life.<\/p>\n
I tried to comfort you in a thousand different ways:
\nTagging you endlessly in your chores and leisure life,
\nSpending hours with you in silence to match your melancholic mood,
\nHanging around you for days to give you invisible company.<\/p>\n
I do not know what ails you,
\nWhich broken dream haunts you,
\nWhich hurt has gouged your smile,
\nWhat has squeezed life out of you?<\/p>\n
In desperation I openly confessed my love to you \u2013
\nSomething alien to my nature,
\nThinking it will cure a woman\u2019s love anxiety,
\nBut you did not seem to be very impressed by that.<\/p>\n
Much I looked into my soul to find the cause of your studied indifference toward me,
\nMuch I probed into your life to find the source of your malaise,
\nI came out empty handed, which further plunged me into frustration –
\nI realized there were mysteries of human life that I could not fathom.<\/p>\n
The mood at our last meeting was somber:
\nYou were sullen and cold, mysterious and reticent.
\nI raised the concern of our future together
\nBut you did not give it much weight.<\/p>\n
Slowly it dawned on me that it was not me that you were searching for,
\nYou were trying to reach the innermost recesses of your soul,
\nYou were looking for God \u2013 the ultimate reality –
\nYou did not need the worldly love anymore.<\/p>\n
I realized that all along you were cool to my amour,
\nYou admired me but did not want to be part of my dream,
\nYou wanted to be my friend
\nBut did not want to be with the driving elements of my soul.<\/p>\n
I would have given you all my time,
\nI would have cared for your every sigh,
\nI would have been with you till the end of time,
\nI would have loved you to the last spark of my soul.<\/p>\n
In the end much against my impulse I walked away from you,
\nCarrying with me the marred glow of our love.
\nWhat might have been is my recurrent dream,
\nWhat has happened is my constant anguish.<\/p>\n
Now I am gathering the half-broken and half-grown pieces of our love,
\nTo build a fitting monument to it, so that it radiates a glow,
\nEven though it was imperfect.<\/p>\n
Suffern, New York, 9.19.10<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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